Notice of Change of Address

Guys, I love this place really. But in these busy times, I find I can't manage my places decently.

All I wanna say is that I'm moving everything to The Porch. You'll find me there most of the time. Will actually do actual moving of posts on another day, that elusive day when I have nothing better to do.

In the meantime, go to The Porch.

Awww...

Note: I read this on Friendster. Roxanne posted this on the bulletin board with the title "Beyong Logic, I Praise". After what she's been through, to see her doing this is such a blessing.

"Beyond Logic, I Praise"

Roxanne Tobias

I thank my all-time God for being the God who can do everything but won't do everything.

I thank Him for choosing to reveal to me the mystery of His gospel amongst so many other mysteries that remain undisclosed.I thank Him because He chose to leave His other mysteries a mystery.

I thank Him because He will not keep these mysteries a mystery forever.I thank Him because He continually reveals Himself glory after glory.

I thank Him because His unpredictable quality gives excitement and His sovereignty, comfort.

I thank Him because He's the cause of my monotonous-life-turned-action-packed!

I thank Him for being the Ultimate Tourist Guide to places no one dares go unless forced:-inside the big fish that i'm yet to fathom which kind;
-outside the big fish;
-to the realms of amoeba and peptic-eating acids, and polysystic ovaries and hormonal imbalances, and more rosters of imperfections;
-on the thinnest, "slimy"est, "slippery"est, imbalanced beam between passing and failing;
-on a cliff, hanging by a fingernail where hanging vs falling is to tres vs singko, is to miracle vs fact, is to possibility 0 vs probabilty 1.
-to my country that i would never have chosen to be born in... and i would have been terribly wrong.
thank God i didn't have a choice!

I thank Him because He does all these things because He knows it's the only way His thoughts reach my limited mind. and so to demand for explanation is to argue that im denser than He thought, and to argue is pointless because He knows me more than I.

I just love God!

Exposition on Isaiah 40

NOTE: Here is the outline (there, I warned you guys) of the stuff we discussed in ICF during our first fellowship this year. Sorry, I'm too lazy to fill it all in so this is reallyu just the outline I used so I wouldn't walk off the track. Much thanks to Pastor Rick for the help in this thing.

INTRODUCTION:
Sem’s started, usual acad fare on our tables, back to the school grind
I’ve been thinking about last year. We each have stories about last year. Some of you may have stories like the year was hard, it was difficult. Some of you may have had a really great year. And here we are looking at this new year and anticipating it, or I hope we are.
Some of us are older, younger. Some of us look at the year and say “Whoa”. Most of us look forward to our lives ahead---graduation, jobs, perhaps marriage. But at the same time, we all have this sense of wanting to just stay right here, not grow up into more complex lifestyles and bigger responsibilities. Just to enjoy this moment. Talk about Mikhael.
Do you get this sense of time slipping away?
What I want to talk about tonight is how we are to anticipate the life ahead of us, how to deal with this idea that we’re getting older and things slipping away.

Scripture: Isaiah 40

WHO WE ARE/LIFE
V6-8 God says/writer asks/God says
Talks about life as this beautiful but very fragile thing. He compares it to grass and to a flower. Song by Casting Crowns. Life comes up and fades away.
Look at the last year and you can see that somehow you life has faded. We can look at this phenomenon in two ways:
· To deny it or avoid it. “No, I’m not growing old.” “That fading life isn’t my life” Well go try to prove my statement otherwise but at the end of the day despite our youth and all the opportunities that lay ahead of us, lies the simple fact that tomorrow we might not be here anymore.
So how are we to look at this thing of life, that at some points it’s extremely sad/depressing? Where do we go to? What do we cling to? What will get us through the fact anticipating still despite fading away little by little?

GOD HAS COME/WHO GOD IS
The writer says:V9-11
Though we’re quickly fading the answer is to look up to a God that is coming. Aside from telling us that God is coming, Isaiah also explains who it is. This God who is coming.
V10: God is a ruler. He’s sovereign. He’s mighty. He’s does what he wants. He’s in control. He comes in power. He comes with justice.
Flower is weak, temporary.
God is powerful. Direct opposite.
And yet, when God comes in power, He doesn’t go trampling over His fragile creation. HULK effect.
V11: God is gentle. He’s like a shepherd. He’s going to love you and gently lead you. This in all of His power.
And so when you get the idea that you are a flower fading, you’re fragile, the answer isn’t to try to stop that process. It isn’t to look into yourself and try to reinvent yourself into a younger version. Hollywood does it, physically.
The answer is to accept it in humility. To recognize the fragility of life and to put your hope in the God that has come. The writer says that it is safe to hope on this mighty loving G0d.

THE BUT OF THINGS
But sometimes there are contradictions to this idea. It seems difficult to accept in light of circumstances. Where was God when…? Isn’t there this better thing that I can go buy that will solve my problems and see me through life? Maybe there’s a person/job/thing that I can bank my life on? Stuff that’s more appealing, more delightful and will immediately solve my problems.

NOTHING CAN COMPARE
And the writer anticipates this reaction. He knows our hearts’ tendency to wander, to go to the convenience store of the world and try shop for something to fill it up. And he knows that we are trying to compare all these things to God. And the writer says: V12-26
· Basically says that there is NOTHING you can compare him to.
· V12 asks you in the middle of your shopping frenzy…
· Basically says hey look around. This is the god who created everything---you, me, the universe. And He didn’t go ask someone how to go about it. He didn’t need anyone’s help. He wasn’t stumped when He looked at the darkness and came up with this idea to create.
· V15 people looking for something they could control---idol. Or are you going to compare God to rulers, kings that hold power on earth. They’re a drop in the bucket. Or to the greatness of the Earth’s riches? They are less than nothing.

THE HUGE CLAIM
V21-26 claim that though you are fragile you can stake your life on God. He tells you who He is and tells you hey look to Him. And that’s somewhat of established fact right? but we have difficulty believing it sometimes…could God have missed that? Forgot this? Turned away? It’s something we have all asked of God at one time or another. The nations have been asking it since way back
And Isaiah answers: V27
We want answers. And Isaiah says, V28a
Hey sister, your brain is in this little skull and cannot possibly take it all in if God ever lays everything down for you to know. As a leader, I’d like to be able to answer questions but the thing is, I don’t get much either. Because I have the same skull confined brain as all of you.
So now God is in control and yet here we have this mess… Things is, if this mess were ever explained to us we would not understand the fullness of the purpose of this mess. God doesn’t sleep…
V29-31
Those who come after him have something. God seems to says He’ll take that fragile flower that’s fading and he says he’s going to give it:
Strength-weak
Pick up-stumble
Wings like the eagles. [Saya naman Lord, flower na may wings? :)]
And so, how do we anticipate this year…”my thoughts are higher then yours…” trust in me. Look to me. Think about how God has carried you and made you, a fragile flower, into a eagle. Think about God and yourself as a fragile flower...

[Sharing Time/Chow Time]

prayer requests

In light of recent, er, troubles, and the ripples these troubles are causing, your prayers would be much appreciated.

a) Pray for my Mom…that she won’t worry herself sick…that God would continue to grant her joy, strength, comfort, and wisdom. In case she loses her job, please that the lord would lead her to another job and that in her new workplace, she might com into contact with Christians who would show her the Love of Christ. Please pray for her as she makes decisions as to whether she’ll stay here or go to the US for a job.

b) Please pray for the Ilang Christian Fellowship’s first meeting next week, Thusrday. Pray for me as I prepare a message to share with them. Please pray for the ladies who will attend both old and new. Please join me in praying for a revival in our fellowship.

c) Pray that God would grant me wisdom in deciding whether to join the Red Cross Volunteer Corp based on campus or find a job (I’m leaning towards the job but am still open to His direction). If I do decide to work and I go looking for employment, you prayers would be very much appreciated in that endeavor.

d) Out of the blue: please pray that this annoying trojan horse that managed to infect my laptop get eliminated by the many programs I'm going to run to try get rid of it.

e) Pray that I would keep my eyes on God at all times.

I know that though me and my family face another valley, God will walk us right through it. Not too long ago, I prayed that if God needed to shake some things in my family to get us on the right track together, then His will be done. I trust that He is sovereign over all things and that He has plans for us in these things. I praise Him for his goodness and faithfulness to me and my family. I praise Him because He will never change, even when our scenery goes from autumn to winter.

Ofervhelmed

I’m feeling quite overwhelmed by the recent developments in my world.

Yesterday, I attended the DCF Executive Committee. I was surrounded by people who had such passion and vision for the dorms this year. They had great plans, wonderful visions and the passion to run after such visions. Everyone but me was a visionary for the dorms they lived in, everyone but me seemed to get the big dreams of God. I felt puny next to them. I honestly don’t know what the vision is for ICF this year. I don’t dream of this whole dorm getting saved, not that that isn’t possible, with God it is. Right now, the only thing I’m concerned with is reviving the fellowship by seeking out and training the next batch of Esthers. I don’t even know where to start. And I haven’t honestly gotten past the doubt in God’s placing me here as the core leader for the fellowship. I am counted among the Christian loners. I have to “beat my flesh” to attend fellowships. I am not a communicator. Most of the time, when I get the Bible, I can’t seem to come up with words to share this blessing with other people.

Aside from the inner struggle with this leadership, I’m struggling with tasks. As part of the new membership process of the org, I have to interview each member, hold three one-on-one Bible studies with each, and orient and have them sign the membership covenant. This is the part where I am somehow thankful that there are only three ladies that I’m going to tap. I’ve decided to skip interviewing the old members as I am quite sure that they are Christians (which is the objective of the interview) and that they have their theology right. So I guess, things will be okay on this side. I say I guess because I have other “issues” that don’t make it easy to budget time.

For one, I am aspiring to get that extremely elusive GWA of 1.75. I’m actually quite amazed about how grade conscious I have become since last year. I actually get really annoyed when I know I’m attending a class and I am not prepared for it. In the past, I didn’t care about whether I could recite or not. In the past, I relied on cramming. Nowadays, I don’t want to cram. So every night, something academic must be finished. Before, these were my priorities:

1) God, Family
2) Friends
3) DCBC
4) DCF
5) Fun
6) Acads

Today, the list goes:
1) God, Family
2) Friends
3) Acads
4) DCBC
5) DCF
6) Fun

Go ahead and call me anything you like.

And, in light of Mom’s job instability (more of this later), I’m considering taking up a part-time job. I’m thinking of trying tutoring again or of applying as a barista at Starbucks. This of course, takes a chunk out of my time as well.

A girl can feel overwhelmed now, can’t she?

Mom’s the department of the Mathematics and Natural Sciences Department. She’s part of the middle management and middle management people are not included in the collective bargaining agreement. So when a bigger, more progressive school acquires the school my mom works at, she is in danger of losing her job. Which is exactly what’s going on right now. And let me tell you why right now is especially not the greatest time for this to happen:

1) All three of us kids are in college. Anyone who doesn’t know how much that costs, go…um…I don’t know…ask around? I graduate in two years. I’m the eldest.
2) Dad’s source of income isn’t reliable.
3) Mom’s near retirement age and age matters in jobs nowadays…I think.

Mom’s really upset, not just for herself but for the entire faculty. I wish I were home right now to hug her. Sniff.

PS In case you're wondering about the title, it's overwhelmed spelt the way you say the word in German pronunciation rules. My German's affecting even my French...

Sleep Induced Post

Don’t you just hate the day after a three-day long weekend? I practically dragged my sluggish self around campus today.

President GMA declared yesterday a non-working day in celebration of Independence Day which really took place last Sunday. When we informed our German 10 professor of this last Friday, he remarked, “For a country that is not at all rich, we sure have a lot of holidays that we don’t celebrate anyway. For example, they give us a week off during Lent, but everyone’s at the beach or partying instead of doing Christian rituals.” Good point.

Needless to say, the weekend proved to be a rather interesting one, both in the larger and more personal spheres I exist in. On larger scheme of things, the weekend was witness to another political brouhaha in our ever politically unstable nation. This former NBI guy, Ong, surfaced and said he had wiretap tapes that could prove that GMA cheated in the elections. This got the opposition and some groups calling for her and the vice president’s resignation. The Philippines is known for the People Power revolutions and last Friday seemed like another spark that could ignite the fourth installation of People Power. For the whole story, check out www.inq7.net. My mom actually wanted me to get on the next bus home because she was afraid things might get dangerous here on campus and in the capital [Note: UP holds the reputation for its activism. Rallies and activist what have you’s the norm.] I had to convince her that I was in no danger and had to promise her I would join no rallies (I never have anyway) and would not leave the campus.

Anyway, nothing came out of the panic. None of the protest rallies amounted to much. It grated my nerves when the opposition called for the president’s resignation. Just who was the alternative leader they had in mind? While GMA has a lot to answer for in regard to the controversies which are sprouting up in an alarming rate, it doesn’t mean that she resign while she’s at it. It only shakes things up more when the opposition does these things.

In my own little world, me and my roommates accomplished nothing much. We did have really good goals for the weekend but we got hooked on Sims Superstar (I’ve achieved a modest modeling career for my Sim). When we tired of that, me and Nellie obsessed over the appearance of our blogs. What we achieved during the late night tweaking of the HTML templates of our blogs is on display. This coffee-porch-cloth thingy on this page represents around eight hours of staring at the computer and trying to decode HTML. Well, I must say, I’m very pleased with the results. Nellie amazed me by staying up until 2 AM fiddling around with her blog. All this explains the absence of posts.

I enjoyed last Sunday’s service immensely. Pastor Jong gave a little rebuttal of the Da Vinci Code. I learned a lot and was really thankful for His Word. But what I really loved was worshipping among a multitude again. I’ve been away from church for three weeks (Note: My family is still Roman Catholic and I don’t get to attend services while I’m home. We don’t go to Mass either.) so it was such a blessing to be back.

I also endured two encounters with cockroaches. I hate the things. One crawled under my bed last Sunday and I went stiff with fear. Last night, another one (or perhaps the same one) appeared and went walking along the upper parts of the walls. It circled the room once before settling somewhere in the boxes on top of Nellie’s closet. As of tonight, that/those cockroach/es has/have yet to be accounted for.

Come out, come out, wherever you are cockroach…so Gillian can kill you while Nellie, Krissy and Apple scream in the background.

The school where my mom works has just been sold to another school. We're worried about what might happen to my mom's job. Please pray with us that she'll be retained and be part of the administration. I hope she doesn't get demoted. Please pray that in this time of uncertainty and shock (the president announced it today), God would just touch my mom's heart and grant her peace. I pray that this might be a venue for my mother to trust and follow Jesus Christ.

catching the vision

I attended the morning service at church. I usually attend the sunset service but I didn't want my study momentum interrupted. I'm not sure if that's a bad motive...

I came at the right time. Pastor Minho is back from Canada. Just a visit though. He was our pastor for three years before he was called to a different place. He's Korean and I really like him. He talked about Pentecost (Acts 2:1-4).

He started off with the question "Why did the Holy Spirit come down upon the believers at Pentecost?".

Israel was commanded by God to celebrate three feasts: The Feast of the Unleavened Bread, Feast of Harvest and the Feast of Ingathering. The second one, the Feast of Harvest, is also called Pentecost because it was celebrated on the fifth day after the Passover. On this festival, the males were required to appear before God with the first fruits of their fields. (see Exodus 23:14-17) This detail is essential in understanding why the Spirit came on Pentecost.

Back to Acts 2. Pastor Minho's sermon gave three reasons why the Spirit chose Pentecost:

1. (v. 1-4) The Holy Spirit came down upon the 120 believers in the upper room in the form of tongues of fire. That bunch of believers then became the first Church. Pastor Minho emphasized the fact that a group of believers, a grand building or a both did not make a church. A church is a place where the holy Spirit moves in. Therefore before the Holy Spirit came, that band of believers did not constitute a church. Jesus told them before that though He was going to leave them, it was a good thing because then the Holy Spirit would be sent to them. Basically, the Holy Spirit came on Pentecost and birthed the first church in keeping with the theme of the Feast of Harvest.

2. (v. 14, 37-41). The Holy Spirit came on Pentecost and this resulted in the first fruits of evangelism. When the believers started speaking in tongues, people who heard them thought that they were drunk. But Peter, filled with the Holy Spirit, addressed the crowd in what we can call the first evangelical speech. And, in verses 37-41, we see the result of this: "Now when they heard this they were cut to the heart...so those who received his word were baptized and there were added that day about three thousand souls." The church of 120 now became a church of 3,120. Coolness. ;)

3. v. 5-12. The Spirit's coming on the Pentecost had the first fruit of the nations, or missions. The believers were empowered to go out among the nations by learning the languages even before they arrived. Jesus had told them to tarry in Jerusalem and await for the Spirit so the disciples did not go charging out into the world in obedience to Matthew 28:18-20 until they received the Holy Spirit.

Basically, the Holy Spirit came to build the church and enable it to do evangelism and missions. The Holy Spirit is a Person and should be treated so in the Church.

I got a lot of that short, simple sermon. It provided me with a very good reason why I go to Church. God has this crazy (crazy good) plan and has told us to go out to the nations and make disciples. On my own, I just can't do that nor can I realy catch that vision. It just kinda blows me away. But church is a place where I can go to be a part of that vision, this outrageous seemingly impossible mission and do my part. Most of the time, I don't care for much beyond myself and church is where I am reminded that God intended me to care for others too. He's saved a slot for me on Team Nations and the church is a good place to find that out. I seem to get this sense that with that vision and God's continued molding of me, I'll soon be a vessel of His love to all peoples. I don't have to be a full time missionary but I can go to church and let God change my perspective into His and my heart into His heart for the nations.

:)

Geez...

Man, it was just creepy listening to this song on Yahoo! Launchcast Radio. I felt like I was being called out of a crowd, asked to stand up and some guy in front and on stage was talking to me and me alone. Lord, don't scare me like that please... You know how jumpy I am. :)


Lyrics to Joy Williams' song Hide...

To anyone who hides behind a smile
To anyone who holds their pain inside
To anyone who thinks they're not good enough
To anyone who feels unworthy of love
To anyone who ever closed the door
Closed their eyes and locked themselves away

You don't have to hide
You don't have to hide anymore
You don't have to face this on your own
You don't have to hide anymore
So come out, come out, come out wherever you are

To anyone who's tryin' to cover up their scars
To anyone who's ever made a big mistake
We've all been there, so don't be ashamed
Come out, come out and join the rest of us
You've been alone for way too long
And if you feel like no one understands
Come to the One with scars on His hands
'Cause He knows where you are, where you've been
His scars will heal you if you let Him

don't it just blow your mind?

Was reading Luke 2 (Yup, I'm back in the New Testament...ha, did I ever leave?) out loud last night. And I stopped when I read verse 51.

"And he went down with them and came to Nazareth and was submissive to them. And his mother treasured up all these things in her heart."

Mental picture of Mary telling Jesus to stop collecting bugs, telling him they were full of germs. Did she ever think, "Hey, Mary, he knows. He was there when those bacteria were created."? And Jesus saying in His head "I know Mom. I can name them all. I created them afterall" but getting up and leeting go of the bugs like his mom told him to.

Mental picture of Mary telling Jesus to do the dishes. Did she ever think, "I just ordered the Lord to do the dishes!"? If I were Him, I'd "Oh come on, Mom...Me? Go tell John to do it." But Jesus did his fair share of kitchen duty I guess.

Mental picture of Joseph telling him to go take the goats out for a graze and all the while feeling weird about ordering the Lord down to the fields. But Jesus doesn't act high and mighty, which He is really. He probably went down and spent the afternoon as a shepherd, literally.

Awesome to know that the Lion of Judah, Son of God, the man/God who shed His blood for the world submitted to Joseph and Mary. He knew a great deal more than His parents but He never insulted them or got annoyed with their ignorance. He probably knew a great deal about good parenting but he didn't go to his earthly parents and say, "Look guys, you're doing it all wrong."

It came as a rebuke to me. Sometimes, I think I'm better than my parents, my dad especially. And sometimes, I'm rude and impatient with the people who treated me kindly when I cried in the middle of the night and wet the front of their shirts. Hey, Kristina, if Jesus treated His parents that way, who are you to do otherwise?

Listen to your father who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old.

Proverbs 23:22

Feliz Cumpleaños a Nellie!!!!

Hi Nellie,

Happy Birthday!!!

Don't worry I'll be joining you in about four months. :)

Ate Jojee and me tried to call you last night but you were out of coverage area daw.

For you, this post is red. :)

actually still a little dazed...

Well, it has been a hectic weekend and the week is off to another hectic start. You might say that the porch swing has been unoccupied and is now covered with three (or is it four?) days worth of dust. But that’s not the reason it’s been quiet around here. The last three days I’ve been walking in joy/relief-induced daze. Trust me, it’s still difficult to get me focused on this entry. Even more difficult to come up with vocabulary for this thing. I lost my communication skills last Friday and they’re only just slowly resurfacing.

Last Friday, I woke up around noon to find a message on my phone. It was a classmate of mine congratulating me because I qualified for shifting. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and stared at my phone as if it were some alien form I had taken a sudden curiosity to. Was half out of my wits, thinking, Lord, please let this not be a joke or something. Because, duh!, I know I qualify for shifting into Statistics because I got the GWA they require for applicants. So what EXACTLY was my classmate talking about?

I tried texting her back, but I ran out of phone credit. It was 11:30. My class wasn’t until 1:00. But it would have been a simple thing to shower and rush a block away to the Stat building and check if the shifting results were out. But honestly, I was too terrified to do that. I just wasn’t ready. So I opted to procrastinate. And pray.

My classmate sent another message saying “Your name, Kristina H. Mendoza, is on the list!!!”

Still couldn’t believe it.

Took a bath, had lunch (ate really slowly), and headed out to the Stat building.

Made a beeline for the Office of the College Secretary and saw my name on the list of accepted shiftees and transferees.

Stared at paper.

Still couldn’t believe it.

Attended class. Two hours later, I checked the list, so sure that I had just imagined the whole thing.

Still couldn’t believe it. But now in a good way. Smiled and giggled. Looked up and giggled.

Got to the dorm. Sat on bed. Bowed my head to praise. Instead, all I could do was smile. Then cry. Then giggle. Then cry again. God knew the words.

I wish I could dance but I’m rooted to the floor in awe. I wish I could sing but I can only be silent before His majesty.

I’m no longer a non-major. I’m staying in UP. I’ll be graduating (God willing) in 2007.

All this is just blowing me away.

“I gaze around me from on higher ground
Filled with wonder and awe
Humbled by Thy great faithfulness
Stilled by Thy steadfast love
Such valleys I have walked through
And yet now I truly find the walk worthwhile.

So I praise Thee for Thy marvelous works,
Thy light and wisdom,
Thy grace and joy,
Thy salvation and peace.

I praise Thee for setting this path before me
For walking this path along me
For being the Light ahead of me.

Yet, Lord, I pray that I do not linger.
Let me not remain longer than I should.
Let my eyes not settle for this view,
Nor my feet rest on this mountain top.

But make me to follow You,
Be the way narrow or wide,
Through valley or mount.
For the highest ground is to stand where You stand.”